Point of life

hi again

2005-07-16T04:08:00.000-07:00

hahahah. it had been quite some time since i updated my blog. now i'm here again just to update a bit la. actually i got some things to write but then i'm just pure lazy to actually type the whole thing out. if there's something call copy from the papers to the internet, i would have blog more often. hahahaha.
so life had been stressful lately and i thunk i'm working harder by dat day just to keep my studies on the track. i hope i have the time to catch up with it but then the fact is that i've already lose out and now i'm just putting up a good fight to obtain a better result. at least not like now which i'm failing every subject i study. haih.. saddening right? but canot blame anyone because it's my fault for not paying full attention in my studies last year. now i'm just suffering from the after effect of it.
hmm. it was just 2 or 3 days ago when i read the papers about this 5 guys raping and sodomising this women. they used force to take control of her for about 5 hours if i'm not wrong. within that 5 hours, they raped and sodomised her. sometimes i wonder why is there such crazy people in this world. haih. but that's not really the point. the point i want to state is what happens after that which is brought to the court. from what i remember, the victim reported the case but couldn't give them the time ratio between what time to what time did the act took place.. as in the victim couldn't remember what time did the thing happen. each rape and each act they do on her. then the judge put the case as no background and the rapist only need to be responsible of 1 act which happens because the victim was able to tell the time. in my mind, i'm thinking how could justice be this way. as long as the victim can't tell the time means it didn't happen? what do you expect the victim to do? each time they touch her and rape her and sodomise her, she look at her watch and remember the time? it's quite senseless right? haih.... this world is like that. it's just so unfair in many ways.
well, i guess i'll blog again soon. hahhha. i know i very long only update my blog once but i can't help it. i just feel very lazy to blog. so sad right? haih.. i will try to write more often next time ok? hahaha. now time to go off.. tataz!

carnival in my school

2005-06-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

hehehe. today is a special day for me because it's one great day and i'm really happy to be with my friend for this day. hehehe. you know who you are and i really had a great day with you. hehehe.
well, there was a carnival going on in my school this morning and i sort of did some voluntery work by offering my help to the PRS club in my school. hahahaha. it's actually quite boring to me because i have nothing to do at all. i only help put newspapers on the table during the beginning of the carnival. it's for the poster competition between schools. hahaha. actually i was wondering why do we need 7 classrooms when the people present can be fitted into 5 classroom. makin gus gt more work to do. hai.. then those newspapers started flying all around the place when the student on the fan. i was like so bz going into the classes and picking it up and putting it back but after i finish one class, the class next to mine needs some cleaning again. haiyayaya. anyway, later on, i just leave it to the students (so bad rite? they all primary students) to set it up them selfs. haha. then later on when the competition started, my service is no more required and i actually took the duty to go around the school taking photo's for the PRS ppl. not bad.. at least i did something useful. hahaha. then after i finish, i sat down there doing nothing but talking and walking all around the school, talking to jasmin n frens, and drink. hai... so cham rite? then i went out to get ice for the PRS ppl who say they have lack of ice. but anyway, the funny part started after everything over. hahahaha. really a joke especially when we have so much excess food and we started giving it out to everyone we can see. jasmin, pei yee, sherry, and li quin were the best girls to do the job. i helped but i failed them cuz ppl dunno y dun wanna take from me. all go to them n take. when i give they all say dun wan but when the girls give, they all take. so poor tin. hahaha. and they say girls are fighting for equal rights. how can they fight when they alr got more then us guys leh? hahahah
then after that it came to the washing of dishes part. the PRS teacher actually got ready some equipments for us to wash up. but then when we saw the soap, everyone started to laugh because he brought those soap powder which is used to wash clothes and floor. for dishes..... well, i think it's a little unsuitable because it's said to be poisonous. so must have detergent. but who cares ler.. in the end, this malay guy also use the soap powder to wash everything. and we end up playing around the R&R by washign the floor. me and jasmin was bombarding the contractor who build the R&R because he made the floow totally even and not tilt to a side. then make all the water stuck in the R&R. hahaha. anyway, we got over it that la.

then after the PRs thing, we decided to go out and have some fun in school uniform. i was like... errr... can i change? hahahah... but jasmin didn't allow me to because she say is a school uniform outing. what a joke. hehehe. so we went to 1U to watch 'batman begins'. to my surprise, sherry atually bought the FIRST ROW seat for the show. i was so surprise that she actualy bought it because if it was me, i would just say dun wan and choose another movie until i get a nicer seat. hmm.. the show was ok la. not too bad for batman because after all this while, i finally saw a batman that didn't really upset me. all the others was terrible and was a great upset. anyway, when we were in the cinema, shery actually just walk off like that without telling us where he went. i saw her went off but nvr see her come back for like an hour? then later on only she tell us she found a seat behind the cinema and went there n sat alone. haiyayaya. sherry sherry.. make ppl worry la u.. then after movie, we went back home and now i'm writting this. hahahaah. ok a i think that's all for my update. tata

why like this??

2005-06-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

all of a sudden i feel like writing some stuff.... i dunno what i want to write but i'll just state something.. hehe.. anyway.. recently, i went out with my ns frens and we were talking something about the human mind.. hehe... well, here's a situation.. when a group of 40 ppl saw a girl get robbed, none of them helped her out but when 2 person saw that kind of situation, they'll most probably help the girl to safe her.. now why do this happen? according to a survey done, it is proven that when there's a bunch of ppl, all of them will have the thoughts of another person will help and i'm not needed there.. where as when there's only 2 person, both of them will have the thought that the girl need help.. now why do human think so?? i'm still wondering... i mean... when there's a whole bunch of ppl, wouldn't work be done in a more simple way?? why do ppl have the thought that "the other person will help and i'm not needed there?".. i'm also wondering why.. hehe..
then it seems that there's a lot of book for the psychiatrist are actually written by ppl from the mental hospital.. i mean it all started from the chamber itself. the founder of this field is actually a patient of the mental hospital in the past.. so i wonder can we actually trust psychiatrist cuz of this.. hahaha.. just joking actually... it's actually said to be like this la.. nothing much actually... hehe..
anyway, i now dun have much to say alr.. next time only write again la.. i think it will be soon.. cuz all of a sudden nowadays i feel like blogging.. haha...

so long no update alr

2005-05-13T16:26:00.000-07:00

hehehe... it had been quite some time ever since i've updated my blog... hehehe.. anyway, many thing had happened and i think i feel like i've changed a lot... do you guys agree?? it seems that i've reallyput on some weight also... justin and lordson told me that they compared my pic last year and this year and they say there's a very noticable difference. it seems that i'm very fit and look very much better that time... haih... i'll try to get back like last time k? hehehe.... anyway, this week is exam week.. doin my mid year now.. it seems that i'm gonna fail everything but i've confident that i'll pass at least 3 i guess... that's what i hope la... so now trying my best to do so lo... studying at times but sometimes say study only but didn't do in the end wan.. haha.. i wonder izzit every1 also like me.. hmmmmm
well, i guess i've went out quite many times ever since i updated my blog.. haha... but not much to say about it la... just normal outing with some friends... so dat's all lo...
i got a bad news ler... i sent my hp for repair and now when i get it back, i only got a few number left... so cham rite? all my numbers erase alr... this time no backup... the last time i sent if for repair, i save all my numbers on my sim card and when i get it back, i have to delete all cuz got double. this time when i thought it will be just the same as last time, it turn out the other way.. haih.. now all my frens number gone... those close ones got la but those where i met in ns.... haih... no more miss call with them alr... so cham rite? i use to chat with them once in awhile still but now looks like really no contact alr lo... hmm.. dat's just life la... when you expect something to happen, it just works the opposite. anyway, hehe... i've been ok recently.... only stress for exams lo...
ok la.. i guess dat's all ler.. next time only write again la.. tata

outing

2005-04-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

hehe.. well, i would like to say thanks to jasmin that had teman me da whole day for today. hehe.... it made me felt much better after everything that had happened. i'm realy greatful for having a fren like you beside me. really thanks a lot.. hehe... so i went to my school sports day today n i saw a whole bunch of my odl school mates. i was so surprised to see them there and especially wai kitt.. he say he's really enjoying the time he is having in school because he's doin an engineering course in monash which his class only contains of very few girls and almost all nerds. he said the life there is scary.. haha.. poor fell... i think i shouldn't do engineering and i'm happy that i've considered my decision on being a businessman in the future.. haha.. anyway, after about an hour of chatting, i went off to 1u. i think today is quite fun for me.. all thanks to my dear fren, jasmin. hehe... we did many things and also ate a lot. u wouldn't belief me when i say how much i and her had eaten. first we went to dave deli to eat our lunch. we ate and there's mushroom soup where jas intro to me and i find it nice. haha.. after that we went to secret recipy to eat cakes. hey jas... u so bad... order one cake alr then go n take mine... make me eat ur order... hehe.. anyway, then after that we went to play pool and fusball.. hehehe.. fusball... i can win wan u know! i'll make sure i practice more in d future.. and for pool.. haha.. fine lo.. u win alr.. this one i know i got not much talent.. u second time play also win me flat.. haih.. pai seah alr me.. hehe... then we went eat chilies and i saw a old friend, john chew... really long time never see him alr.. since form 4 i guess... he going aussie alr lo.... hehe... then we went movie and she actually didn't know that we are late for it.. i was wondering why she walk to the handphone shop at 5.30 when the show starts at 5.30... hmm... i wonder.. hahaha.. so we saw pacifier... quite a joke show but it's a good laugh. not bad u know.. quite funny.. hehe.. then later on we went walking around till almost 8 and then went home lo... i think it's quite a long outing.. thanks a lot jas.. i feel much better alr.. hehe...
now, exams... haih.. coming next month lo.... so poor thing.. i beta study hard cuz i must win my frens.. haha.. try my best la.. hehe..
ok la.. i think that's all i wanan write.. so c u guys next time la k? hehe.. tata

lalalala

2005-04-07T05:39:00.000-07:00

hahaha.. i so long no update my blog alr.... hehe.. so now i also just wanan write short short only la... hmm.. tmr my class will be joining a sketch competition between the form 6 classes from my school... hmm.. i've been acting in award winning dramas and since i've won so many with so many of my team mates, i guess this won't be exceptional.. i'm sure we can win something out of this... we did some pratice with each other and i think we should know what to do alr.. we won't embarrace ourself la.. dat's for sure.... hehe.. anyway, so many things had happen recently and i feel that somethings aren't really going my way.. but nvm la.. i cannot really control my destiny.. i can only try and make it a better place... hehe.. just for u guys information, i most probably will be doin a sugery at the end of the year for my shoulder.... i dun wanna lose it as even when i'm typing now, i can feel some uncomfortable movement inside there... it might had gone worst from time to time.. so if got time come n visit me in the hospital woh (if i'm still around la.. hahaahah) next time only tell u guys where i'm goin la....
ok ler.. i guess dat's all i got to say alr.. i very lazy to blog nowadays... dat's y so long only update once.. haha..

CF camp!!!

2005-03-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

I'm back from camp!! fuh! super cool and fun during that past 4 days... we did so much together and i really love the camp a lot... hehe.. the weather is so nice up there... cooling all day long... i really wanted to live up there 4eve la... hmm.. so let's talk bout the camp ler... i woke up at about 6 to get ready to go camp and reach school about 6.40 like dat.. we reach peacehaven at 9 something... my bus as the last to arrive cuz we stop in a petrol station to fill the tank..
we started off the day in peacehaven with worship... then we departed to our rooms.... then lunch and some games lo... we are devided into groups and i later only notice that i'm the assistant leader... i was the oldest there ler cuz others all from 1, 3 , 4 ,5. first when we sat at the group, we were like so wordless.. all quiet... i tried to make conversations and i think i did help a bit in strenghtening the bond.. dat was my games group.. we did things like sketch and the group banner together... then we also did treasure hunt and a cheer.. haha.. i used the ns one.. where another group also followed it.. and so the day begins... hehe.. my group's banner is kinda ugly la but the idea for it was ok i guess... we use all of our hand and leg prints to form the word 'terrace' (my groups name) but t din turn up the way i wanted it too cuz of some hard to write letters... we had fun la.. haha.. we get to paint each others leg and hands.. then we went around shaking ppls hands... hahaha.. lucky pn julie din shake mine.. hehe....
and that's just da start of the day la... quite fun .. then we got sessions where we are preached by a christian server, miss Annet... hehe.. she thought us some new lame stuff... haha.. but is funny if u know what it means.. hehe...
during the 5 sessions on this 4 days, we held many alter calls and i think many ppl got saved.. praise god for that.. then on the second night, all the form sixes (who is staying in the ame room and also all of us are security officers. hehe) in my dorm sat around yoon tim and started to tell him more bout christianity. though we din convert him but at least we kno that god has touch his heart a little... we spoke to him for such a long time (about 1 hour ++) and we are glad we did so la... hehe...
ok la.. i quite unorganize when writting my blog.. so anyway, i'll just write important facts... during camp, i know a many new frens.... and there's a few of them are quite pretty la.. hehe.. yes yes.. i know is a christian camp.. but nothign wrong with looking rite?? heehehe... i got to know this girl in form 5 this yr who i feel pretty but nvr notice her in school b4... weird rite?? hmmm then we tak a bit lo.. she's quite nice la.. hehe.. but cannot get close cuz i dunno y i got some phobia towards pretty girls wan... but if i can get close to her, i will change la... hehe...
and so..... i stick with my form 6 frens la.. we are always together and always sit together also.. only me who is bad who always abandon then during eating time cuz i wanna sit with another girl.. hehe.. sorry guys!
then we have these workshops where we suppose to learn stuff... there's these surprise workshop which is really a surprise to us cuz this workshop is allowing us to either play games in the hall up stairs or go back room an sleep... wah.. so fun compared to the others.. hehe..
ok la.. then in the camp we are suppose to be in charge of security.... i was one of them la... aside from security, we are also the cleanliness inspectors... hehe... since all these inspectors are from my room rite, how do u expect us to ever be not clean and not be the cleaness?? hehe.. but seriously, other rooms are really terrible la cuz they leave their uderwear everywhere and bedsheets are left flying all around.. sad la.. haih...
i share a bit of othe stuff also la.. hehe... there was 1 night where i was walking outside the carpark doin security and make sure every1 is back in their dorms.. then when i look up the girls dom, i saw this girl strip her top and then turn to the window to get her blouse wothout the curtains closed.. i was like... haih.. these girls dunno how to look after their imej and safety... anyway, i'm a good boy so i reported the incident to pn julie.. apart from dat, some girls also dunno how to wear their jeans nicely ler... all wear so low with a short blouse... when sit on da floor, can see their but alr.. as in really can see... haih... this 1 christopher reported to pn julie..
sometimes i wonder y girls wanna wear till so revealing ah?? i mean if with ur bf then ok la but u r in a religious camp u know... God's presents is in the hall... haih.. anyway, this camp had made me more christianised gua.. haha..
haih.. for da past few days, i've been sleepin at 12.30 and wake up at bout 5.30.. tiring la.. some more dat 4 days is not only eat and sleep... lots of activities and running to do.. for ur info, the place go 5 floors and our activity is always in the multipurpose floor or the foyer and my dorm is at the second lowest floor.. haih... so everytime also run up and down. i think i walk bout 10 km a day.. haha.....
i think i better stop alr la.. still got a lot to write but lazy alr.. cuz if wanna write really can be so long till u dun wanna read.. hehe... so i end here la..

updating

2005-03-15T22:51:00.000-08:00

well, i guess i should update my blog once in awhile.. i duno y i dun feel like blogging... hehe.. maybe i'm just pure lazy.. anyway, things ha dbeen goin on better nowadays. i guess it's because me and my fren had settled things out and now we are how we use to be last time. i'm very glad that things is running smoothly for almost all of my friendship especialy the one where i just repaired.. hehe
well, there are many things in this world that we don't notice at all... how many of us actually notice that the leafs are green and the skies are blue?? i mean we know that it's just dat way but we don't notice it and say "look at the leafs. it's green". this applies to the people around us.. i just read a frens blog and i think what she say is true. we dun really know how to appreciate our parents nowadays considering on what they had done for us. how many of us actually buy a present for your parents during their birthday and give them a surprise?? and how many of us actualy say thank you to ur parents when they cook and wash the dishes for u?? i think many of us will just take it as a parents responsibility to treat us like angels... haih.. if more ppl knows the importance of relationship between 2 people and not take it for granted, the world will be a much better place....
hmmm... when i look back to my past, i realise that i've really been quite stupid in joining certain groups or society... but if it wasn't for it, i think i wouldn't get my fren back with me now.. hehe.. i wanna say thanks to a special fren i know in the society and also wish him all the best in his future... if it wasn't for him, i think i'll still be depressed now.. hheeheh.. thanks a lot...
i'm goin off to camp this week and it'll be a 4 days 3 night camp up in genting.. i wonder how would it be... hmm.. hehe...

Yay! i've completed it!

2005-03-05T12:26:00.000-08:00

yay! i completed da race. such and experience for me... i'm so glad of myself.. haha.. u know la, ppl like me, if can complete in time also alr very happy lo... so well, i guess i wanna cut things short.. i wrote a lot just now but duno y din get to publish anything.. haih.. nvm la.. now rewrite again... hehe.. so, i stard of with me goin to sooi kuans house... haha.. i woke up at 5.15 when i was suppose to be in her house at 5.30... cuz i thought i just go down, make a drink then leave.. but then my mum woke up and started to give me advice and everything.. is was like 5.30 when i left my house.. haha.. sorry sooi kuan.. i wanted to be pauntual but i couldn't... hehe... then we reach that place at about 6.30.. i saw the 21 km runners getting ready and then speed off... not bad ler.. i saw cun girls all the way... haha... so, we got ready and then the race was soon to begin.. then we sang happy birthday song to this girl from canada.. i wonder who is she.. hehe.. i saw everyone was on fire.. all ready to run. but b4 dat, this khye sam was saying dat he wana go klcc after running woh.... all of them also say 'ok ok.. let's go'. hehehe... i and justin was whispering to each other 'we talk this after we complete it la'.. haha.. so then the race started.. i see all those in front started to run and they were so fast... me?? hahaha.. i was taking my own sweet time.. i kept up with my frens for awhile but later broke off la... cuz they fast ma... me slow ma.. so cannot keep up lo... then i sprained my ankle a little after running for about 1km.. lucky it's not serious as it did not affect my performance.. haha.. i kept on running la cuz not much pain.. then we reach a place which is a curfing slope.. hehe.. if u guys where there, u will laugh at me.. i was hopping my was down the slope.... i over took many ppl there cuz i was goin very fast.. all thanks to the momentum of my body ler... haha.. lucky i was able to stop in the end cuz if not, i would had bang onto a police motor who is parking there.... then after that area, i was this bold guy who is taler and much fitter then me... i was trailing him for a very long distance.. i cut him and he cut me back.. he ran and i ran... haha.. we were like fighting with each other... but in the end, he win la... i cannot keep up with his stamina.. haih.. nvm la.. then i sw this funny thing.. we passed by a lot of 7-11 outlets during the race.. at one point, i saw this 2 small kid and another girl ran into a 7-11 outlet and bought drinks.. i looked at them for awhile and then laugh a bit... then this guy beside me looked at me and gave me this weird look.. like me mad alr.. then i was telling myself in my mind dat i wanna go ahead of him.. so i make my move and speed off.. haha.. i overtook him and he's way behind when i look back.. muahahaha! revenge! hehe.. then i talked to this 21km runner who was a old man.. he was telling me if a person like him can complete a 21km race, then a guy like me should be able to do 10km without problem... hehe.. i smile at him and then he left.... and a few more things happen but i lazy to type la.. hehe.. then i reach to the end o the race and saw many ppl alr took the cert and leaving alr... i was pressured when i saw dat cuz i scared i overtime alr.. but lucky i made it ler... hehe... then after everything, we went home lo... i went back by lrt with senthil, justin, yoon tim and etc.. i called my mum and she came and pick me up at taman bahagia station along with jasmin and jia lin.. i sent them home as well b4 i reach home lo...so dat's all la... my leg still tired now... maybe i really not fit at all.. have to really exercise.... hehe.. k la.. dat's all.. time to rest my legs...oh ya.. hehe.. the klcc plan is canceled at the end...

10 km marthon

2005-03-02T05:24:00.000-08:00

hehe.. well, such a surprise dat i'm joining a 10km marathon... weird rite? with my size, running for 10km is like killing myself.. hehe.. but yet i went and took up the challenge.. i siao wan..
anyway, today i went to mount kiara to jog.. erm. so called practice for the up coming big day la.. so i went up the hill from the startign point.. wah... serious hard man... it's not as easy as u can think off... maybe cuz of my size and my low stamina la.. i ran from the start then stop at the junction where the real lap really starts.. haha... but dat time i also quite tired alr... y ah?? hehe.. u go try run 1.5km up the hill and then u tell me tired or not.... hehe. then i ran laps of the place la... i think one lap is about 2.5km gua... so on average i ran about 6 km in 40 minutes la... not bad ho? i mean for me la... hehe.. haih... so then later on i went home with my legs all aching la... but until now, it's been better alr lo... i feel dat i'm not fit ler.. 10 km also cannot complete... actually can wan just dat i got no water... if got water, then surely can complete... hehe.. one thing super when i finished the 2 laps... i went to the car park area, bought 2 cups of soya bean.. 1 for me and another for sooi kuan la... then i feel not enough.. so i bought another bottle of it which is those 500ml ones.... i finished it while walking up to the hill to meet up with the rest... when they came down, i bought another 500ml of herbal tea and finished it on the spot also... hhaha... then when i reach home, i drank 2 cups of cold water... after my dinner which is about half an hour after i came back, i drank another cup.. not too long ago, i went downstairs and drank another 1 cup of lime drink... wah.. i wonder how much water my body need.... i still feel thirsty now... haih..

friends

2005-02-21T23:30:00.000-08:00

well, i just read a frens blog about friends and it sort of sparked up something to talk about for me.... hmm.. i do admit that i have quite some frens but most of them are hi bye frens... my close ones only consist of my ns frens so far... maybe because we've gone through some very hard times together as a pack and family b4.. dat's y it bonds us stronger then normal... anyway, i like things simple to me... i mean hi and bye frens means frens who are not very close to us and close frens are those who can share almost all of our things rite? y wanna make things so complicated and say there's some close frens which are not really needed in out lifes?? i mean, if he/she is a close fren to u, then y would u hate him/her in the end?? anyway, it's just a little doubt when i read my frens blog... nothing muchs... not offending 'u' i hope.. hehe..
now to some of my pure work... haha... so practically to me, frens are someone who cares for us excluding our family members.... this care i'm saying here is ordinary care... as in i know u r alive and dat's all i need to know.. close frens and others that cares for u deeply as in they know almost all ur ups and downs... that's what i feel about this 2 different kind of frens... best frens....... well, i haven't find mine yet so i guess i better not talk about it la.. hehe...
anyway, i would just like u guys to know that even if u feel dat i'm not caring about how u feel and everything, i actually do.. i know i dun have time to talk and understand each and every one of u guys but i do try my best to talk to u when u r in need..... sometimes i see some frens who are like so lonely in class, filled with problems in their hearts but i can't do anything bout it, i do feel kinda useless... sometimes i try to help, but i guess my help wasn't needed cuz i think i'm not close enough to that person... anyway, i would really like u ppl to know that i really do wanna help if i can.... but i know some of u feel dat i dun understand a thing even if i always tell u dat i understand... to tell u da truth, i can't understand u fully unless i am u.. u know what i'm saying about? when i say 'i understand' means i know how u feel in general... so pls.... i'm sure many of us know how is this feeling liek rite??

yesterday

2005-02-20T23:38:00.000-08:00

well, blog time.. dunno y today just feel like writing some stuff but not my homeworks... hehe... anyway, yesterday was y ns gathering day....i'm so sad to say that it turn out to be kind of a disaster... y? cuz we like dunno each other anymore.... i feel so arkward towards those girls dat came.... i dunno what to talk about and we spend most of the time walking around pointlessly and not talking at all.. lucky got 3 girls brought their bf's along... so they not that lonely.. the 6 of us that click all the while dunno what to talk to the others cuz we know ourselfs best but like not close to the rest dd... and it was us 6 who organised this gathering.. haih.. sad la.. i feel so useless now... hmmm anyway... we reach pyramid at about 12.30 with my fren la... then we waited until 3 for the rest to arrive.. haha... i told myself dat i won't be so pauntual anymore.. hehe.. well, we wen for McD for lunch... there we sat together and talk calmly lo.. but the bad thing is we have 3 groups lo.. all also lik enot socialising with each other.. just among ourselfs... haih... anyway, we took a few pictures too... hehe.. i long time nvr saw julie and ying yee alr.. even neo also i just saw her awhile only.. i took pitures with julie and ying yee... hehe.. from what i know, julie like tall a lot alr.. hahha... after that we went movie... only 9 of us went cuz the 2 other girls have to go back early... so say bye to julie and ying yee lo... then we met pheobe ( not sur ebout da spelling) hehe... she took off her braces alr.. wah.. look pettier liao.. and still single! haha.. jk... i still weak.. not suitable to start with any feelings yet... apart from that, at 7, we went for dinner... well, that time only left 5 of us super close ones again lo... =_=" haih... anyway, we enjoy ouself a lot during that time.. our dinner lasted till like 10... we went to subang to eat some 'tai pai tong'.. or some medan selera la.. wah.. that place really nice and cool.. da food was great! super nice! 5 of us have decided that we'll now go out weekly every saturday to that place just to eat all the food there... we wanna try every single store around... haha... siao rite? duno will come true or not ler... hopes are high la.. haha.. anyway, we talked so much in that 3 hours.... haha.. we talk and laugh till out tears come down... really so so so funny when u think of the past.. feel like so stupid like dat.. haha... if everyday like dat, i surely stand back up in no time.. dat's y i say my ns frens are the best frens i've ever found so far.. some really really cool ppl and really funny plus helpful... hehe.. of course apart from the funny part, we share our probs also la.. hehe.. alway da same... so i guess dat's all gua.... nothing to say dd... time to study ler.. write again next time la...

haih.. sick of titles la...

2005-02-20T11:45:00.000-08:00

well, since i still got like 20 minutes b4 getting ready for my gatherings, i guess i just write a bit la.. hehe.. after 9 months of seperation, we finally get a chance to meet back each other.... i'm so excited by it... is was like 9 months ago since i last saw my group of ns frens (excluding my really close hung hing frens la) i can't wait to c them back.... sometimes i do miss those times when i were still in da camp... stressless, so many frens, life without parents and etc... is like otal freedom! haha.. anyway, i got to get ready soon.. so better not blog too much...
but b4 ending, i just wanna share something new to me.. hehe.. well, on thursday, i dunno how i slept but i know i made my leg cramp for like 10 minutes i think.... it was like...... "wah.. so pain!!!" then it started to get worst in the next 2 days la.. (i'm sure u guys know what i'm experiencing rite?) hehe... it was kinda bad but it was the first time where i see ppl's cramp will cause the leg mussle to inflame... as in it went red and looks like a hump.. haha... and when i applied some chinese medicine on it, i can feel that there's the veins floating on the surface... wow.. scary.... i realise that my little musle on my leg has plenty of veins.. haha.. anyway, cut the crap short, i later use this dunno what liquid to apply on it... it's really efective.. well maybe its because that liquid is actually for my shoulder and it's said to be very effective for mussle inflamation... so i guess dat's it... at least now it's not red and big anymore though it's still painful..... haha...

reunion

2005-02-18T20:45:00.000-08:00

hi hi... well, so fast a year alr.. feb 16 of 2004, i was sent into a foreign place which i know no1 at all... it was like hell at the first 2 days cuz i realy dun know any1 at all except 4 of my school mates.... and 1 of them was the girl dat i like dat got together with my cousin.... we were having quite a bad relationship during that time... but anyway, i still rmb the camp as a desert cuz i dun rmb seeing any green trees on the first day of camp... it was like so freaking hot in the tent at the afternoon... if i had a thermometer, i think the tempreture is about 45 degrees or even more.. can u imagine dat we actualy have to sleep in the toilet if we would wanna have a nap? besides, if u take a nap on ur bed in the tent, u'll see a patch of water when u wake up.... what is dat?? hehe..... sweat lo.. terrible rite? haha..
wel, but its kinda fun.. we did many things and really enjoyed ourselfs (though some ppl dun agree with me) ..... now, we come out as super good frens knowing ppl rom all around m'sia... i'm realy happy to be chosen actually... such an experience... and 1 more thing is ns is consider a uniform body.... this means i no need to attend scouts, pbsm n etc which i really hate to attend cuz i got ns.. wahahaha.. i wanna write moe about my ns experience but next time la... oh ya.. gathering this sunday.. to celebrate our first anniversary.. haha...

CNY

2005-02-10T21:27:00.000-08:00

wow.... this years cny is very different cmpared to the other years... well, i'm not that rich this year... means my ang pau had been reduced... y?i dunno... maybe quite a lot of my aunties went to aust alr.. i got 3 aunties over there now.. 2 more in singapore.. haih... i've only got like 3/4 of what i normally get this year.. haha.. so cham rite?? but anyway, the first day was super cun as my whole house was filled with ppl in the morning... it's da first time my house go so so so many ppl... i mean the other years got just a bit less but this yr, there's sn't any place to sit also.. me and my cousing went to my room and started a teenage gang.. haha... well, so means adults all down stairs and us young ones is up in my room... even so, there's still is no space to walk down stairs.. i wonder y my house so pack this year.. nvr tried b4.. haha.... oh and my dog was so bz barking at everyone that eventually at the end, he just sat down there and leave everyone to their own business... he was having fun getting pat by everyone that comes to visit... hehe... well, i went out later on and when i came back, he was loose... wow.. i wonder how he get himself out of the chain and his coller... anyway, it ws about 11 when i got back and i should say my garden i gone.. haha.. then comes to the second day.. it's something new this year cuz it's da first yr i got to go out wth my frens on the second day of cny... i went out with my ns frens and we went mamak... haha.. goin mamak for dinner during cny is cheaper u know... restorants will cut our throats if we went to makan dinner there... then we went for a movie in IOI mall... well, that place is kind dead.... almost no shop are open at about 9.... maube is cny... ahaha.. but i found out that the movies there are cheaper... only 8 bucks per ticket... wow.. i thought its std all over malaysia.... constatine is kind ok ler.. not much surprises but action la.. haha... now to tell u something really exciting... after move i snt my frens home... one of them stays in state that side... it was about 1 am when i was driving him home... only me and him in da car... we were talking about our camps ghost stories that time... both of us were like interested in wat each other is saying ler... then i stopped in a trafic light in ss2.... that time, we were talking something that realy had happen in camp.. suddenly, this guy came and knock on my car window.. it gave us a fright! we look at our windows side but we see no one! then both of us screamed in the carbut for like 0.5 seconds la.. haha.... then only we notice that the guy was knocking at the back of my car window.... wow.. scary man! it end up that the guy was just askign direction to the sea park police station.... haha... it was really scary... i couldn't sleep u know... haha...

updating

2005-02-07T05:37:00.000-08:00

well, just wanna update... today i went to play futsal... or just so called play la.. cuz the gang tell me one time but change it without telling me.. so i end up goin there playing with just a few of us... we din play actually.. just went into the court n kick a few times.. dat's all we did... the other times, we went to ming tien to sit down n yum char instead.. weird rite? haih... anyway, i finally experience what it is like washing the car under the hot sun... i always see this indian guy in ss2 who helps ppl to wash car to make a living and i thought it was kinda easy doin so.. i mean, maybe for my part time... but now is different alr.. it's not easy doin so.. it's really hot... and when i say hot, it's madness... half of the car is dried up after i finish washing one side.... now how u suppose me to wipe it dry when it's alr dry? hehe... anyway, if u dun understand y i wanna wipe it, then i should say if the water is dried under the sun, there'll be staints around... so... u know la.. haih.. dat's all lo.. nothing much alr... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

WTH!!!!!!!!

2005-01-30T00:40:00.000-08:00

haih... i guess i'm writing this blog in a bad mood... sometimes i just dun udnerstand my dad.. what's wrong with him man?? everyday come back from work only kno whow to complain this n that... when he's in bad mood, he'll just scold us with all the words he like, ignoring all of ur feeling and etc.. last time i use to be scared when he does that but now i'm more to the angry side.... i know it's bad but i really can't stand him anymore... i know he's the only 1 earning all the family income... but so what? every1 has a role to play in the family rite?? i did my part by studying on weekdays... oh yes.. when it comes to this topic.... he's really annoying... he goes to work at 9 n come bacn for lunch at 1... at 2pm i come back from school n studies till 5pm.. then after studying, surely i go play some com games n when he comes back everyday at 6, of course he'll see me sitting at the com rite?? by 6.30 when he goes jogging, i'll leave da com n go help my mum in the kitchen... then he comes back at 7.15 like at saying i nvr help in the house... WTH man! he's always not around when i'm doin something dat satisfy him but just because he nvr see it, he'll ASSUME dat i din do it... enough of this kind of extream thinking la... sometimes i find him really really annoying.. if he would gimme a choice to leave this house n go get a life of my own, i would dare to say i can live without him supporting me.... cuz i myself hate studying... it's a burden in life to me... i rather go work, gain exp n then build up my own career.... sucessful ppl dun need to be smart.. all of us knows dat... the richest ppl on earth are mostly drop outs fom school when they were young... i dun dare to say i'll be as successful as them but i'm sure i can earn a reasonable living for myself n my future family!
but just because he's my dad, i'm not fighting with him... i'm still giving him all the face he wants from us.. he's a really dominant guy over any1 in the family (including my uncle n every1 else).... i dunno y but i feel dat he's just the total opposite of me i guess...

my day

2005-01-19T09:43:00.000-08:00

hey... long time nvr update alr.. i guess i'll just write a little to tell u ppl bout something.. anyway, i had a quite interesting day today... somehow today seems to be a little different from the others... well, everything was normal in the morning.. i'll start from the time when i'm walking back home... hehe.. it's nice to know dat the sun wasn't really hot today.. as in today is cloudy... so.. i was walking back from school like normal.... on my way, i saw a really hot dressing girl.. she was really really HOT! i dun really agree dat she's pretty but i gues she's one of a kind.. hehe.. many guys notice her ( i realise dat cuz i saw many guys working came out n stare at her.. haha... then there's this other girl which really have the body.. i was walking behind her n was noticing it.. hehe.. if u would ask me, i would say she have the kind of 36, 24, 36... haha.. pls dun mind me girls but it's really so perfect dat i even thought she was a model... but..... haih... i guess all u guys should know what i wanna say after the but la.. so i better not state out her.. later the girls dat read my blog will start bombarding me with questions and etc... hehe.. anyway, so later on when i reach a junction, i saw this car who speed pass the trafic light like nobodies business when everyone else is waiting.. i mean, is not his side to move yet... he just came out f no where n beat the light... come on man.. if he would had gone a little faster, a motorist's life would had been history... besides, if i would had cross the road just a little sooner, i wouldn't be writing this blog now... haih.. then there goes to sport practice... well, i was sitting more then working out anyway but i realise dat the younger girls nowadays dun like high jump.. haha.. we have to threaten then for attendence just to make them jump over te 85cm high bar.. haha.. i could had just walk over it... then there's this guy who fell on the high jump stick n break it... wahaha.. he's like such a small guy with such a big weigth.... he could break it when i couldn't.. haha.. well anyway, nothing else dat i think it's happening... so i'll end here.. heheh..

Regretfulness

2005-01-05T18:00:00.000-08:00

i guess i'll just write a short blog again... well, i've not been sleeping well for the past 3 or 4 days... i'm really tired but i somehow just can't sleep at night... i've been sick for that past 3 days n it had been robbing my sleep away from me...i was having cough n it woke me up almost every hour when i fall asleep.. then i had food poisoning which caused me to use the toilet almost every hour in midnight... this had been continuing till now... i'm very depressed n tired... not because of my love life or anything.. it's just because i dun have enough sleep.. no matter how friendly i can get, there's a limit to it from what u can expect from me... a person who can't get enough sleep for 3-4 days can't be a happy go lucky person n can't run around the place talking n joking with everyone u know... hope u guys understand what i ment.. is not dat i dun wanna be friendly to u ppl.. but i just can't.... i tried but my condition stop me from bein who i am... i'm sorry ppl...
well, actually this part is some how targeted specially to a person who thinks dat i've change a lot n at the same time thinks dat i've become very unfriendly to anyone.... i'm sorry if u thought that way... i hope u'll forgive me n accept my apology for not being who u expected me to be... i'm also sorry for all the things i've done in da past... i know it's wrong... now i'm regretting it... maybe after this realisation recently, it had make me more....... shameful?? well, i dunno what word i could use to describe how i feel but it's not fun... i regretted everything except one thing... which is knowing u... i know things had changed ever since we knew each other... our friendship was strong at the start.. but i guess it wasn't steady all this while as a little wind will rock our friendship badly... like what is happening now.... i'm really sorry n i really hope things will go right soon...

experiencing love

2004-12-23T20:51:00.000-08:00

i guess many of us had experience what is love like... to me, love is something like a combination of both happiness n sadness... that is when u r in love... but when this love become one sided, it'll all turn to hated and sadness.. y do god wanna create this thing called love? is it because everyone in the world deserve to be punished by the one they have feelings for?? i really dunno.. all i know is that this love thing can really make someone lose their mind.. many all of us had experienced this pain b4... is it nice?? i dun think so.. but i guess it's just a punishment of god towards man kind... cuz from what i know.... EVERYONE in the world wil experience this pain of love... dat's for sure...

weird...

2004-12-18T06:59:00.000-08:00

hmm... u know, i'just experienced soethign really new to me... this thing is i could actually just slip and fall in frnt of my house yard... what a joke man... i was just walkign out of the house to y car ad all of a sudden, i just slipped and fell down.. lucky i fell behind.. if not.. haha.. i might need to find my dad for a tooth repair... anyway, backwards also caused me something not good.... well, firstly, when u fall back, the first reaction u'll have is that ur arms will automaticly try to stop u from falling rite?? so this is what happened... my right arm actually helped to balance my body on the floor and saved my butt from taking the pain.. haha... and fo that, i twisted my wrist, got a blue black mark on my elbow (with a lump on it) and te most serious thing is that i actually pushed my shoulder upwards... wow! it does hurt a lot... very badly... especially to my shoulder... i felt like something got pulled, moved and tear inside there when i stood up... haih.. so cham rite? all this for just a minor fall.. i'm so terrible.. haih... anyway, i went to see a doctor not too long ago.. he told me something which i really dun like to hear.. but i guess i won't wana say it out here and announce it to everyone rite?? hehe.. anyway, it's not gonna be fine for a few more days.. so sad... his means i'l have to bowl with an injured arm! haha. quite fun.. test my 'daya tahan fizikal'.. haha..

Holidays

2004-12-10T23:07:00.000-08:00

well... this holidays had been boring and sad and etc to me... it's filled with mix occasions... really a holiday which i'll remember... anyway, i dun have much to write actually... i'm writing this now is because my game is down for maintainence and i dunno what else better i could do... anyway, this holidays had been quite a bad one for me... even though i enjoy most of the time but i dun enjoy to da max as i kept on worrying bout my future studies... especially when it comes to thinking that i have exam on physics and math in the first week of school... i'm really not ready and yet i'm not studying... i've been sitting in front of the com for like 6 hours daily?? and the other time when i'm not playing, i'll either be watching a movie or out of my home... other times will be spent on helping on house works and eating and sleeping.. haih... i really am scared but i just can't find any mood to study... i dunno y but maybe till now i still dun see any reason 4 me to study anymore... haih.... anyway, things had been fine for me recently... just that one special day when i'm in my worst times again...
i was sick on dat day... having fever and flu.... i woke up with a terrible headache and having not enough sleep form the night.... then i went out for lunch with my frens and while on the road, there's this stupid volvo which is speeding like mad in those small roads... then later on, i bought a 1 half hour parking ticket where i only park in that slot for half an hour.. haih.. then i went to my frens house when it started to rain... i left early cuz i wasn't feeling well.... and so sad that i have to run to my car and get wet on the way when i'm having my fever... haih... then when i was driving home, i nearly got into an accident... i dunno y but all those ppl are driving like drunk drivers.... they come in and out like mad... or was it just me an dmy sickness?? nvm that.. then when i thought nothing will get worst, i realise that my frens left their stuff in my car and have to make them come all the way to my house ot get it cuz i was sick... haih... terrible la..... that was one of my worst days la.. thank god it's over..

love (continue)

2004-12-04T04:55:00.000-08:00

well, i dun have much to write about love anymore... but i think i would wanna state down a few things still... experiencing love is something very special for anyone... not only love in the family or what so ever but what i ment was overall... experiencing love in any ways are a blessing to anyone in this world... some of us might feel dat our parents are really annoying (i'm one of them too) as they always nag us about what we are doin, what v do is wrong etc... well, i myself do agree dat at times, i do get angry over them.. but let's look at it in another way.. some of us are born without our parents... or i should say some of those more unfortunate ppl la... why do they hope dat they could have their parents with them?? well, just think about it.. i myself dunno the answer why but i have an idea of how they feel.... i really understands them...
now back to our relationship love la... well, recently i've experienced something new.. there's a difference when u say u love someone and when u say u have a crush on someone... when u have a crush on someone, it seems dat this feeling can just fade away without u noticing it... when u r in love with someone, it seems dat it's very very hard 4 u to forget that particular person... and it's love when u really can do anything 4 dat person u love.. u wouldn't mind losing a very close fren just because ur lover says he/she dun like dat person... i dunno how many ppl will support me in my statement above but i feel it's kinda true but yet it's not really true also.. i hope u guys there understand what i'm saying ler.. hehe..
but anyway, love is just another feeling in this world.... just look at it in this perception and u might understand that love is nothing really big actually...

Let's talk about love

2004-12-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

well, i guess it's time 4 me to write something bout love now.... i've read a few blogs and i think each and every single blog that i read contains a post which have something to do with love... now, let me write down what i think of love... i guess it's my turn to get some feedback from those ppl dat read my blog..
from everyone's eyes, love is a intimate feeling that is shared between 2 individuals of a difference sex (for standard conditions).. this thing called love can make someone do anything just to make the other party happy... and when i say anything, it means ANYTHING.... when someone is said to be in love, it is said that, that particular individual will think of his/her loved one all the time.. is dat true?? well, i kinda think dat it's only true 50%. when u think about someone very often, it doesn't show dat u love dat person... it's just an impression that the particular individual had made in ur life.. u think of that person cuz u admire him/her... let's say i think of an actress daily... does it shows dat i love that girl?? i dun think so man....
u know, i have many frens dat tells me dat she misses her ex, he wanna get back with his ex, he/she cannot move on, he/she means the world to me, he/she is my sole reason i'm in this earth, no1 can replace he/she in my life and etc... actually what's the point of it?? let me close it down to a more narrow topic.. let's go into our ex and past.... many ppl that broke up in a relationship will tell me what i've just stated above... actually what's th epoint of all this?? u and him/her is already gone... it's history... y wanna continue to hang on?? y wanna bring suffering to urself?yes... for those that had a relationship that lasted for about 1 yr or 2 yrs, i understands how it feels to end everything all of a sudden... u've trusted that someone all this while and all of a sudden*pop!*.. it's all gone... i also know dat it's kinda impossible 4 u ppl to move on in like 3 months or so... but yet, this day must come... and i'm sure it will come... just live on ppl.. i'm goin true this stage even though my so called relationship only lasted for less then 2 months.... so i really understand how u ppl that had been in a relationship for more then a yr feels...
now back to a wider topic...a lot of thing about love which is stated like ur heart beat very fast when she/he is around u, ur hands goes sweaty when u hold her hands, u think of her everynight b4 u sleep and when u wake up, u wanna know what she's doin all the time etc.... i dun see love in all this so called 'concepts/signs of love'... i guess u ppl might be asking "then what do u know about love then??" well, i dun dare to say dat i'm an expert but from what i see, i can say certain things.....
love isn't all about feelings and sacrifices to me... love is more to understanding what the other party feels and u do what u think is right to make the other party feel good without needing ur partner to know about it... a little example... let's say if i'm a girl... i have a bf and i and him invited a guy that like me to his birthday party which is at night... and though this guy stays quite near me, i wouldn't wanna let him fetch me back and would ask someone else to fetch UNLESS my bf wants me to follow him... now i hope u ppl understands the situation... this girl knows that the bf will not be happy if she let that guy who like her to fetch her home... she cares for the other party feelings.. now this is what i consider love (partly la)... so u guys agree?? if no, tell me y u dun agree?
well, i guess my blog is a little too long this time... nvm.. i'll continue with my discussion tmr or maybe the say after tmr...

sorry

2004-11-26T21:00:00.000-08:00

what do ppl mean by sorry sometimes?? does it mean i didn't do dat on purpose?? or does it mean 'i know i'm wrong' ?? u know... ppl say sorry everyday without thinking of what it actually means...i dun deny da fact that i'm also one of them... but sad to say, many ppl nowadays just take the word 'sorry' as a very common word and in fact, it's just a word which have almost no meaning....
why would ppl wanna say sorry?? well, if it's a mistake by accident, then i think it's ok to just say sorry as a form of apology.. but if u know doin something will hurt someone else and in the end when that someone is hurt, u say sorry... what's the point of it?? u know dat it'll hurt that person but why would u wanna do it still?? u know dat someone don't like u doin certain things but why u still wanna do it?? izzit because of pleasure and desire that makes someone blind and take a wrong move and in the end, just say sorry to that person that u've hurt?? do you think it cures that person?? if a simple sorry will heal somebody, there wouldn't be so many death happening in this world due to mistakes by individuals.... whatever that is done can't be overcomed with just a simple word like that...
fine.. i agree that it shows dat that person knows his/her mistake... but if it's a mistake which can be avoided, then why not avoid it?? there are certain things that can't be avoided.. i understand.. but why wanna go make things worst by doin something else??? haih...
i really wonder what is becoming of this world.. u know... there's a phrase saying "girls can forgive but cannot forget.. guy can forget but cannot forgive" i kinda think that this phrase is true.. i dunno bout other ppl but i know that the guys part matches me well..

i'm back from camp!

2004-11-26T11:25:00.000-08:00

yo ppl! i'm back from my 3 days camp alr.. wow! it was cool! i only paid 10 bucks for a great accomodation, great food and most of all, such a great time i had.. well, during the camp, i realise dat i've walked closer to God now.. hehe.. i'm more holy alr.. haha.. jk jk... anyway, life in camp was fun... i get to know many new frens dat is from my school now and all also younger then me... and the best thing is i get to froget bout some1 during that 3 days.. i dare to say i was really myself in camp.... not the sad me or what so ever.. i was walking all around, helping out, talking, joking, etc....... i know i really enjoyed myself in that camp though it's not those physical activities which i fancy more....
well, after coming back from camp, now i'm goin up to genting again.... cool huh?? hehe... i'll be having an exciting weekend... then after that, i'll be goin out again and might be making another trip up there with another bunch of frens.. haha.. i seems to be quite rich ah..hehe (jk jk)
now back to the camp stories.. well, the camp was actually nothing much cuz we mostly stay in the house learning the word of God..but other then dat, we played some funny games and ate a lot.. hehe.. when it comes to food, wow, there's nothing like what we got there... we ate all those super great food and ate so much... hehe.. i rmb the first night, after supper at 10.30, we went out at about 11.30 to get Mcd... haha... we had 2 supper in 1 hour time.. really full man.. i put on 1 kg when i came back.. ahah.. looks like my diet control just went off the lines again.. haih.. now fat again lo.. well anyway, i got to know many new ppl around there.. some of then who is from our school that is younger then me... but so sad after 3 yrs serving in the CF, i actually realise dat i dunno many younger frens.. haha.. especialy those in form 4 and 3 this yr.. haih... i feel so terrible.. nvm.. next yr, i'll be even more friendly and get to know them.. haha..

what r dreams??

2004-11-20T05:05:00.000-08:00

yo ppl... dunno y i feel like talking bout dreams today.. just all of a sudden feel like writing something bout dreaming.. hehe... well, do u ppl that there are many kinds of dreams?? u got day dream la, sleeping dreams la, then got real dreams la n got crazy dreams la... wah.. actually what is it ah?? hmm.. dreaming is something like a thing that u wish will happen but hard to make it real... like day dreaming ler.. y sometimes v just like to look up the celling and then think of all those funny funny thoughts ah?? is because in ur mind, u hope dat it'll happen in real.. but since it's fake, so u have to imagine la.. hehe.. what am i saying ah?? haih... in other words, it's just a imagination.... a fake world of our own created by our minds... hehe.. anyway, it's proven u know by scientist u know.. hehe...
well, i too have dreams.... my dream is to lose 20kg in 2 yrs time ( which i think it's guite hard) haha... mad rite?? how i wish i could.. but anyway, sometimes dreams can be devastating... it can make u feel uncomfortable for the whole day.. i had a dream once when the girl i like actually did something terrible to a gift where i specially made for her.. and she told me dat it's actually of no use... i was crying when i woke up... but dunno y for the whole day, i was thinking of it.. it made me feel so uncomfortable... but after all, it's just a dream.. y wanna care bout it so much?? i'm still wondering till now... but lucky everything is over on the day after that... hehe.. well, i have a fren dat always think dat her dreams are something that WILL happen in the future.. as in not her wish u know... those u get tru sleeping times.. hehe.. sometimes i think she's kinda and a little mad (lucky she dun have my blog site.. hahaha) but there are also times when i belive her... cuz certain things she say do come true but i dun think all will la... haha..
well anyway, dreams are something which u can say true but also not true.. i also dunno what it means anyways... so it's actually up to u to belive it or not lo..

thought of the month

2004-11-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

hehe... well, i guess it's time 4 me to update my blog again lo... it had been a very long time ever since i wrote my last one.. haha... anyway, i haven't been in a mood to do anything for the past 2 months or so... haih... but now i feel i'm back to normal alr..(partly la) hehe... well, i think i've learn to move on nowadays..... i've been hurt yet another time... but can't blame anyone cuz it's all my own fault for bein too commited in a relationship when nothing seems to be possible at first sight... hehe.. anyway, it's consider over now... i guess i have to make it 'her' way and not mine.. i can't force her rite?? hehe..
well, recently i went to kuala selangor to see fireflies... hey, it's really nice... u know this little fireflies are said to flash their butts just to attract the female of their kind to mate.... hehe... i'm sure there's a lot of activities goin on that night... haha.. anyway, this little 'flashing' bugs made the bush they live on look like a christmas tree beside the river.. wow.. it's really cool to me... though it's a little upseting for me cuz what i have in mind was this little flash bugs flying around the river making the river look like a firefly sanctuary..... but anyway, it's an experience ler... especially when it land on ur hand.... u feel like u just caught a star.. wah.. so cool! haha... that day was fun ler... next time when get a gf alr, must bring her there... so ronamtic o... under the stars, looking at some bugs flashing their butts, all in the dark, but so sad not alone.. and the river is dirty... hehe....
well, the last 2 months had been a disaster fo rmany ppl i guess... so far, i heard many 'doubles' became singles.... haih... just a few days ago, i saw a couple break up in front of me.. though i dunno who they were but yet it's the third of fourth couple that broke up liao.... haih... i'm also one of them that became single form a so called double....but i guess my relationship wasn't a real one.. so can't be consider also la.. haha.. haih... maybe the condition is really bad for everyone.... i read some of my frens blogs and from there i can see many of their frens also just got over with this kind of thing... haih.. i wonder what happen??
oh ya.. there's another question that had been stucked in my head for a very long time... how much would u girls out there allow ur future bf do to u in public ah?? as in really in public.. not in the cinema (cuz i know some ppl who kiss in the cinema la... hehe) but in open.... it kept me wondering cuz there was one night i saw this couple standing in the middle of the cinema line waiting for the cinema to open....this guy were touching the girls part.... as in below in front... u know what i mean?? hehe.. so it just kept me wondering how open can malaysians be ah??? hahaha...

I call this a day

2004-10-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

well, today is just another bad day i guess.. it's my RKA day and it really wasn't good... i did badly in my exams an di told my parents about it long time ago.. they didn't say anything at first... i dun understand why do they wanna pressure me so much... i've been working hard alr but yet i just could not really do well... i dun wanna blame any1 cuz i know dat i'm totally uninterested in science subjects... fine, i follow my parents wish and go into a science class... but when i do badly, they just wanna scold me and kept on saying dat i didn't put in any effort.... haih.... i told them many times dat i dun like science and wanna go arts but they just don't seem to understand my interest... i really dun wanna fight with them but can they just for once be more reasonable?? my results in form 4 and 5 had shown everyone dat i'm not into science at all... i'm into arts... y can't they understand dat?? haih... nvm la... pass alr.. since now i'm in a science class and got many reasons to stay there, i guess i'll just stay and try harder la... maybe just be a nerd where everyday study at home...
anyway, i think i'm recovering a little by day... i'm more happy nowadays and smile more too.... i'm starting to talk a little more like last time... it's a good thing i guess.. though i very well know dat i still like her a lot... but again i understand dat she really needs time to recover from her last relationship...i can't force her to accept me when she's still hurt rite?? then i will not be happy even if she's together with me... i guess this is called understanding ho?? hehe... well, i dunno what's my plan now... i dun think i can let her go... maybe i'll just wait 4 her to really recover la... but yet, i dunno how long will this feeling last in me.. it might last for a long long long time... but maybe not too.. i dunno what's in the future... but right now, i really hope when she recovers, she'll reconsider about getting together with me... but yet again, this is just false hope la.... maybe we really got a chance to be together but also not... all i know now is dat we cannot be together anywhere soon la.. together also it'll be like maybe after STPM lo...
anyway, to the girl dat i loved so much (u know who u r), u've been nice to me for the past few months... i'm thankful dat u've had feelings 4 me b4... i appreciate it a lot... it's like my first time but i guess i'm not a good bf gua.. dat's y cannot maintain ur feeling towards me.... anyway, i respect ur decision dat u wanna stay away from all this relationship thing for this moment... i would not 'force' u to change because of me.. i'll just let it be la... if we are destinied to be together, i guess u'll fall 4 me again in the future rite?? but if not, then let's just take this as a lesson for me and for u i guess.. thanks for everything my dear pet sister.. i guess it's best for us to stay in this stage for the time bein.. take care k... but rmb, i'll always be beside u when u need someone to talk too... hope u have a good time in form 6..

It's getting lonely nowadays

2004-10-23T15:15:00.003-07:00

I've no idea how ppl survive without company... I've been very lonely nowadays... i dunno y... i really need ppl around me.. frens dat i hang out with last time doesn't seem to be that free anymore... all of them have their own lifes.. they have more important things to do other then goin out to walk or watch movie weekly.. other then dat, some of them had left the country to further their studies.... my new group of frens dat i just made dun seem to be those outing type.. or maybe i dun mix around well with them cuz most of them have a mass difference if interest from me cuz they are mostly chinese speaking ppl... the only 1 i turn too when i feel lonely has turn her back on me and say no whenever i feel like goin out with her... i feel like i'm the only 1 left in this world.. it's so quiet, lifeless and dead around me... i've got no outside life, no outing frens and no 1 to turn too when i'm lonely.... whenever i'm in pain, i got no 1 to call, and no 1 to really ask bout me.... i go online when ever i'm feeling lonely.... i talk to some of my last time frens but words are just not enough to help me feel alive again.... i'm very dead nowadays... my parent's pressure me on my studies, problems with my shoulder but no 1 knows and no1 really care about it, i've no life outside as my new frens dun seem to share da same interest as me, the girl dat i wanna spend time with dun bother bout me anymore, my old and close frens are not around and not free anymore, plus i dun have much mood to do anything also.... da only outing frens i have now is my NS frens but they also have not much time to go out with me... we only meet like once or twice a month... i really dunno what can i do.... during my schooling days, i can spend da whole morning in school with many frens around me.. but the holidays are aproaching.. what can i do with a life like dat?? i can't survive like dat.. i need ppl around... but how many of them are dat free to company me?? da girl dat i planed to spend this holiday with has already call it off.. there's no way she's gonna contact me daily and go out with me weekly.... what can i do?? my family is not those outing type.. my dad won't have the time for vacation neither will my mum take us out.... i've no mood to study at all though i got pressure from my parents... i just can't find my mood anywhere... it's really lonely nowadays...

It has been hard

2004-10-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

Life haven't been easy for da past few days... i've purposely send my hp for repair just to help me control myself from contacting her.. though it's really hard thinking of her all da time but just could not contact her, but it's da best for me i guess...
anyway, i've dislocated my shoulder when i was sleeping at night yesterday.... i dunno how but it just came off... i was in terrible pain during that time.. i think it lasted for about 15 minutes and dat 15 minutes seems to be hours... it was so pain dat i was crying myself in da room... i dare not call my parents cuz i dun wan them to know bout it... haih... it's getting worst everytime i dislocate it... last time, it just came of and get back into position in about 1-2 minutes.. this process is getting longer by time... when i dislocated my shoulder during my handball game, it took about 5-10 minutes b4 it got back in... now... it's had reach the time of 15 minutes.. it's getting harder by time... but i've made up my mind to not go for the surgery... so i won't.. cuz i'm affraid if i do so, i'll start to lose control of myself again and start to think of hopeless hope again..
anyway, da main reason i use to not to get together with her is because of my shoulder... like i've said b4, i won't get together with a girl dat i love and at the end, she'll be suffering taking care of me and worrying bout me all da time.. i dun wan that to happen.. each time when she goes near to other guys and stick so close to them, i'll get jelouse....but each time this happens, i'll just close my eyes, bow my head and i'll just tell myself "u r physically sick.. u dun wan her to suffer with u in da future.. just let her find da guy she like... and actually, u dun have the right to get jealous.." though it's not fun doin such thing, but i guess it'll be da best way for me to control myself..

I'm all lost now

2004-10-19T05:37:00.000-07:00

I'm really lost now... i really can't go on like this... i can't study, i can't do what i like to do, i can't talk to anyone, i can't make any decision.. i can't i cant i can't! can someone pls help me out of this world of mine?! i'm really suffering badly here... i really hope i can go on with my life and just move on but why can't i do that?? i've lost my way of life.. i've been diverted into a road which i dun know how to walk... it's too hard.. the road here is terribly rough and i can't stand it... i'm falling harder each time i try to take a step forward... i'm losing all my strength and i can't stand it much longer! i really hope a miracal will happen and just help me to stand once more... it's not fun having a life like this... i really dunno how much longer i can take this kind of fall... i'm losing myself slowly day by day... i duno when will i lose my mind... pls... someone really need to help me get out of here...
all i want is her to care for me and treat me back like how we use to be..... i only want her to be here 4 me when i'm feeling like this... I really want her back! but it's impossible 4 her to turn back.... i really wanna know why can't we just get back in the relationship we had in da past.... both of us are much happier dat time... why can't we just get back to those happy times??
haih.. today, my shoulder had been in terrible shape.. well, i think it's normal after da day of injury... but the pain didn't come from there today.. it came all from da heart... she didn't wanted to care for me.... i know i was quite harsh to her in da early morning but i already apologise later on... what else u want me to do?! all i wanted is 4 her to care for me.. it's all i need to ease my pain on my shoulder... is dat too much to ask?
dear lord, pls tell me what should i do now? i'm really suffering badly here.. i really need her back with me... pls.. show me some guidance in how to walk this road u've set for me...

Its getting worst...

2004-10-18T20:04:00.000-07:00

haih... i seem to be getting worst by day... i thought i was healing but looks like i'm not.... i've just discover something new recently.. i've kinda lost interest in my studies.. haih.. i can't focus in what teacher is talking about in front of da class, i can't do my hw, and most terrible of all, i can't even do my past works.... i've no idea what this will turn me into... i'm really sure dat i wanna stay in form 6 and study till da end but i just dunno y i can't concentrate.. i want too do my work, i want to study hard but i just can't... when ever teacher is teaching in the front, i'll be bz thinking bout something else... i dun care what i'm thinking about but it just won't be what teacher is talking in front... crap! i really dunno what to do... everyday when i look at my books, i'll just pick them up, put it on my lap, sit down, and then just throw it aside... i'm really really worry bout my studies as i did very badly in my last exam and i really want to make myself a better person... I tell myself dat i can focus everyday but it just won't work.... i really can't go on like this.. i'll come out as a total failure... i really wanna do something about it but what can i do?? haih...
it was my handball game today... so sad my team lost.. plus, i dislocate my shoulder once again.... well, its actually a normal thing alr... so it heals quite fast.. anyway, my team actually stand a chance to win... i did some nice saving b4 throwing myself into the sidelines where i had to leave the field.. haih.. such a sad thing to say..

I'm not goin for surgery anymore

2004-10-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

well, i guess the title tells it all... looks like i got no point of doin that surgery cuz it's not important anymore.. all this while, da only reason i wanted to do that surgery for my shoulder is because i didn't want her to be suffering in da future when we are together.. my parents actually oppose my decision of doin dat surgery cuz it's not really neccessary, it eats up a very very high amount of cash, and it's a major operation.. it's life threatening! (but only a super small % la) anyway, all this while, i've been insisting to go in dat room to cut open myself all just for 1 reason which when she and me get together, she won't be suffering taking care of me and worrying about me injuring myself.. well, since now she's not around me anymore, i guess i should not do it... it's actually a great move.. having this physical disability 4 such a long time might had been some work of god to help me get over this time.. why i say so? well, when u really love some1, u'll hope dat person be happy even shen she's not together with u.. dat's real love.. what's da point of having a girl u love beside u but she's not happy?? u r actually torturing her.. i won't get together with her in this condition.. she'll be having a hard time looking after me and worrying bout how my shoulder is.... i guess its a wise step to take.. at least it can give me a solid reason on y me and her got no hope..
loking at the good side, i can play all the games i like again.... i can get back to my active lifestyle.. it had been long ever since i step into the futsal court and play a real futsal game.. it had been long ever since i played a game of soccer seriously.. i stoped all this games cuz i didn't want her to worry bout me.. now since she's left me and dun need to care and worry bout me anymore, i can get back into it.... hehe.. i can injured myself all i like without thinking bout who's worrying bout me ( well, my parents won't know bout it cuz i hide all my injuries from them unless really neccessary to tell.. ) but of course not too much till i kill myself la.. hehe.. anyway, just as a conclusion, i won't be doin dat surgery anymore cuz there's no point of doin it.. da only reason i wanted to preceed is already not a reason.. i guess, i'll just let time heal it.. dat is IF it ever heals..

I'm such a loser

2004-10-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

haih.. today, i went for my chinese chess competition.. i thought i was kinda ok in that game but looks like there's many other ppl better then me.. i played 4 round for that game and lost all 4 la.. haih.. so terrible.. and i thought of winning something for myself.. i hate losing.. for that past weeks, i've been losing everything i once have.. i've lost almost all self confidence, lost a person who i really care for, lost in my tug of war, lost in my chess game, lost part of my voice, lost my smile on my face, lost my joyfullness, lost my cash, lost in my studies and etc.. haih.. i'm really a total loser.. i've lost everything i have.. the only thing i have now is my worthless little life.. i dunno when will i lose that also...
haih.. it's not easy when u pass through this period of time without someone being beside you.... i thought when i'm at my weakest point, i'll have someone behind me supporting me and helping me to go on.. how i wish i really had her beside me nowadays... i'm at my weakest point at this period of time, and she actually added more into my list... sometimes i wonder did she ever had feelings for me? if yes, why would she wanna hurt me till this stage?? i'm so deperate for someone i love so much to be beside me at these times but why would she actually do more damage to me instead of helping me and sharing my problems?? i feel so useless and weak now... i can't stand up... i need back my confidence but i can't find it anywhere...
god, pls help me get through this... i really need her back here... i really do... I've lost everything... i dun want to lose her too... pls god.... pls bring her back to me..

Questions that needs answers

2004-10-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

There's many questions in life dat needs answers but yet the answers are not found... actually, i really wonder why do all this questions actually appear.. just s few simple questions of my own.... why can someone's heart change so fast that just a few days ago, she say she misses me but today, she tells me dat we have no hope? why would her say dat i was the perfect guy for her in da past but today tells me dat i'm not the type of guy for her?? why would she say she have feelings for me today, but say no feel the next day? can someone pls tell me some answers?? i'm really having a big troubled time goin true all this sadness and depression... i really dunno how much longer i can stand.. i've stand long enough to ignored and accept almost everything that she did to me but isn't dat enough?? i've did SO many things for her but why wouldn't she appreciate it?? i've tried so hard to make her happy... i've did all i can to help her stand up once again and accept what's been happening in reality... but why do i know how to help ppl but can't help myself?? i'm really starting lose control of myself.. i can't control what i'm thinking, can't control myself from missing her, can't control myself from bein sad when she don't contact me daily.... i really really hope things will turn back to da past... though i know it's impossible, but i just can't help it... i really want to be with her.. i'm scared dat one day, i'll lose all self awareness and do some stupid things to myself.... this thought had appeared in my mind a few times b4 but lucky everytime this thought appear, she'll treat me beta da next day... as in sort of like last time... just part of it... i dunno y...
i'm actually just helping a fren to get over her past last time but why would i fall so deep for her?? i've told myself b4 dat i can't fall 4 her cuz i'm only helping her but why do things have to turn up the bad way?? i know what's the consequeces if i fail to control myself but...... i thought i have high self control.. looks like i don't... now, i'm suffering from my mistake in life..

It finally started!

2004-10-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

well, looks like i've finally started my own blog page.. hehe.. i've been wanting to start a page of my own for the past few months but i just couldn't get the time and mood and idea to do so.. hehe.. now, it looks like i've finally did what i was wanting to do all this while.. anyway, many things had just started in my life for the past few weeks or months.. i've been starting to change back into a very quiet and depressed person.. haih.. i just hope this will be over soon and i'll get back up..actually, i really wonder why would so many unhappy things happen to me.... i know i'm a failure in all this love and relationship thing.. but am i really so terrible until i can't even hold the love of a girl that use to love me?? am i really dat useless until i'm not worth loving just after 3 and a half months?? y all this must happen when i thought i was having the best yr in my life?? i just began to think dat i'm so happy dat i finally got together with a girl dat i love but why do she need to change everything when i just started to think i'm at the peak of my life?? u know, i've really heard a lot about other ppl's story on what they feel and stuff like dat, and i could give such good advices until some of them come back and thank me later on... since i'm so good at that, why can't i do it myself?? man.. it's really ahrd u know...haih... looks like it had finally started..it's finally my turn to feel the pain of love.... it's finally my turn to get dumped when i just felt dat i got hope in a person.. it's my turn to try and apply my knowledge of love and help me get over this pain.. it had just began...